Ang and Autism

Roll with It

2012-01-15T10:25:00.000-08:00

One of the best things about homeschooling is the flexibility it offers.

If your child is an early bird, you can get school underway at 7am and finish by noon, leaving the rest of the day for whatever you want. Afternoons could be spent on field trips, hanging with friends or just goofing off.

Conversely, if your child is a night owl, you can sleep in and start when you feel like it. This seems to be the course of action around our house, and as long as we get our lessons in, I don’t mind. Drew wants to sleep until 9am or so, take some time waking up (read: play Wii or other handheld game), and then start school around 10am. Most of the time, the entire day is accomplished in pajamas! Of course, starting later means you finish later. Recently, my son lamented this fact when we were sitting on the couch reading social studies and the school bus drove by. "Hey, it's time to stop! The other kids are done!" he tells me. I replied "Yes, but they started when you were still sleeping. And, they didn't get to play Mario Bros. today either...."

This flexibility offers other bonuses, too. Earlier this week, my son and I were both sidelined by sore throats. If he were still in public school, I would have kept him home for a sick day. This means I would have had to call in to the school and report his illness, answer the 20 questions that go along with calling in, and discuss the list of symptoms with the school nurse. I would have also played the mental math game and thought about how many days he's missed so far, how many days are left in the school year, can we "afford" to take a day, are there any tests or important lessons he would miss, etc. For some reason, this usually results in my feeling “guilty” for keeping him home for "just a sore throat." Fortunately, I didn’t have to do all this. I could concentrate on what mattered most - getting him well.

While we nursed each other back to health, the day was not totally lost from a schooling standpoint. Certain subjects were still accomplished, albeit more relaxed and with a slower pace. Reading was done while curled up with a blanket on the couch.

Obviously, the flexibility is a plus. However, it can also be a curse... from my son’s viewpoint, anyway. Our homeschool does not take days off for “professional development” or “teacher planning” (something our public school district does at least once per month). We also don’t follow the public school calendar when it comes to holidays. (Unless you have a federal job, MLK and President’s Days are work days for most everyone.) And lastly, we are still in session when everyone else has a “snow day!”

However, we do get to count sledding as physical education! :)

Learning in your PJs

2012-01-07T14:25:00.000-08:00

We are HOMESCHOOLING!

“Homeschooling?” you ask?

Yes, homeschooling!

Actually, it surprises me, too! A good surprise, though. The feeling you get when you know you’ve made the right decision.

In sharing this decision with others, it seems as if many think we may have rushed into pulling our son from the public school system, or didn’t otherwise think it through. This is definitely not the case. Honestly, our decision was YEARS in the making.

Elementary school was a roller coaster ride, with Drew’s success largely dependent upon factors out of our control – how well the regular education teacher understood autism, his/her relationship with Drew, Drew’s relationship with his para, how consistent the para was. The list goes on.

I should point out there were some awesome teachers and paras at the elementary level. Those years were a blessing. However, there were also some “jaw droppers.” These were teachers and other school staff that, frankly, left me floored as to why they were even employed to work with children in any way, shape or form. In these situations, we found ourselves saying “Gosh, I hope next year is better….” But I realized we were saying this almost every year in one way or another. We also found ourselves pointing out or asking common sense things of staff, like “Would you not allow him to tear up his clothing?” or “How did [x] happen with a para right there?” My husband I would look at each other and say “you know, we could do a better job….” But we never acted on these thoughts.

Then there were the annual IEP meetings. Every year in the Spring, we met with school staff to discuss the following school year’s IEP, or Individualized Education Plan. The IEP listed all of the accommodations and modifications that were needed for Drew during school, but also outlined what his autism looks like and how it affects him. These meetings, literally, were hell. Again, you go through the process of pointing out common sense things to the school staff about your child, which are then shot down by the “team” in favor of “better” ideas. These “better” ideas through the years have included Drew completing language arts worksheets to meet writing goals as opposed to actually (wait for it….) writing a paragraph. Again, my husband and I would think about homeschooling, but were too afraid. After all, public school is just what you did, right?

This current school year was the first at the middle school level. We met the previous Spring for the IEP to discuss what middle school would look like for Drew. In fact, we met for almost 6 hours over two different meeting dates! You would think in 6 hours, something would actually be accomplished. You would also think that, with as much time invested in the IEP, it would actually mean something. Well, you would be mistaken. The transition to middle school was awful. Drew was in school for one month before we pulled him. In that month, I sent many, many emails, met with teachers numerous times, and came to know the principal on a first-name basis. Also during that month, Drew experienced an entire week of after school detention, in-school suspension on at least two occasions, and also came to know the principal closely. Unfortunately, the principal didn’t bother to get to know us at all during this time. I highly suspect she never even read the latest IEP that took hours. The IEP “team” met an additional 3 times during this month, but changes never came to fruition. At the last meeting I attended, the principal (who had threatened out of school suspension) indicated that Drew just needed time to “get” how middle school works. My husband and I decided we “got” how middle school worked, and wanted no part in it.

So, here we are. We are now a few months into homeschooling, and are enjoying every minute of it! J Drew is enjoying it as well. I constantly ask myself why we didn’t do this sooner, especially when I think of all the time we wasted in public school, wishing things were better. But now, my time and efforts are better directed. Instead of hours beating my head against the wall, trying to work with school administration and staff, or preparing for IEP meetings, I am instead working directly with Drew in a way that is best suited to him. If something isn’t working or needs to be changed, we do it. No “team meeting” is necessary, and no arguing over the obvious. You know the adage – if you want it done right, do it yourself!

We are now in complete control of our son’s education. A very scary prospect, but also very empowering!

Note Home

2009-03-23T18:17:00.000-07:00

Today in my son's backpack was a note home from school. It's never a good thing.. the note home. My first thought was "what bad word did he say now? I hope he at least used it in the correct context. Now, that would be a step in the right direction..."

Hey, I can find a silver lining in any situation.

But, no, this note was quite different.

It turns out that my son and his new friend, whom I posted about below... are an "item". They were holding hands and kissing on the playground.

I guess my son goes for "older women" because his friend is the ripe old age of 10. Son just turned 9.

Anyway, both of them visited with the principal (!!) and I guess the matter is resolved.

But I have two comments about this...

1) Since when did having a boyfriend/girlfriend on the playground become such a no-no? No, he shouldn't have kissed her (or she shouldn't have kissed him... who knows who initiated it). But it seemed from the letter that the hand holding was as much of an offense as the kissing. I think all of us can remember back to elementary school and how we either kissed someone or got kissed on the playground. Rite of passage? Who knows... But, if you got caught, you were told "hey, don't do that" and that was pretty much the end of it. Did we really need a note home about the whole thing? I guess the principal lectured both kids (who have autism, remember) that we don't have girlfriends/boyfriends in elementary school. We just have friends, nothing more. How much of that do you think actually stuck??

2) Obviously, my son has autism. He has social deficits... so much so that he has several social goals on his IEP (Individualized Education Plan). How did my son go from "autistic-boy-with-no-social-skills" to Casanova? Hmmm... I guess we are making some progress in the social areas.

I told you I could find a silver lining in most anything....

Visitor

2009-03-18T17:04:00.001-07:00

I know I've been absent from blogging. (Yeah, I know, what else is new?) And for that I apologize. I get an idea, and then if I don't blog about it right then... Poof. It's gone.

I must learn.

But! This was a bit of good news that I feel compelled to share.

First, let me say that my son has no friends. And no, it doesn't bother me. They've tried working on that with him at school. He will tell them, "I have my Mom and Dad. They are my friends". While that is charming... the kid needs some friends that are his own age.

Friends have always been "out of sight, out of mind" with my son. He might have some "buddies" that he likes to talk to, or play games with on the playground. But as soon as he leaves the school, he doesn't think about them. My son has never asked me to have a friend home, or a playdate, or whatever you want to call it. My son has never phoned any of his schoolmates, nor has received any calls.

Then... came "Abby".

Abby started school with my son this year, and is in his regular education classroom, as well as his special education classroom. She has issues of her own, which I'm sure fall somewhere on the autism spectrum, and would include social difficulties, just like my son. However, I'm beginning to think in the eyes of my son, Abby is absolutely perfect. It's been "Abby this" and "Abby that". "I want Abby to come over."

Really??

My son turned 9 about a week ago, so we invited Abby over for a playdate.

My son talked about nothing else from the moment we scheduled the playdate, until Abby actually arrived.

Once she came over ... I wasn't sure what to do. After all, autism is my "normal". And we've never had a playdate before. I've never had a playdate before, from the Mom's point of view, anyway! What do I do with myself?? Do I hover over them and faciliate play? Do I retreat to the next room, on the ready to rush in if needed? I didn't want to be in the way. But, I didn't want to be absent, either. I was probably more nervous than my son was! :)

Overall, I think it went very well. Aside from the fact that Abby is a complete opposite of my son. She seems to be very "girly" and, well, we don't do girly around here. We don't have dolls, and we don't have princess movies, either. She seemed to tolerate the non-stop Beatles jukebox, and wasn't phased when my son refused to color with her when the crayons came out. Most important, though, was that she seemed just as enormed with being around my son, as my son was around her. So, it was a success!

Of course, now all that I hear about is "when is she coming back?"

2009 - Year of the Beast

2009-02-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

According to the Chinese zodiac, 2009 is the year of the Ox. I assume they chose this animal because it represents power and strength. However, when I think about an ox, I think of a hairy, smelly beast. Yeah... a beast. That's exactly the word that comes to mind when I think about how 2009 has progressed so far.

A beast.

Let me explain why...

2009 has been in existence for six short weeks. 47 days by my calculations. In that short span of time, my immediate family has experienced: a case of the flu, 2 confirmed cases of pneumonia, and a suspected case of strep throat. (I go to the doctor tomorrow.. we'll see). This has resulted in 6 doctor visits, 4 x-rays, and at least 5 prescription drugs if my memory serves me correctly. (Of course, that total does include a nuisance doctor visit to retrieve a bead that my son stuck in his ear. But, it was a doc visit!). 7 total doctor visits if you count tomorrow, and another possible Rx. If I sit here long enough, I could equate a dollar value to the co-pays, co-insurance and Rx totals. However, that would depress me past the point of no return, so I'm not going to do that.

Speaking of money, let's talk about our jobs. I have missed so many days - again, I don't want to total it up because it would depress me. My husband has already used most of his vacation days in his attempt to overcome pneumonia. 6 weeks into the year and it's gone. I guess we're not going anywhere this summer. Though, I guess that might make a nice essay.. "how I spent my vacation" (hack, cough, hack)

So, 2009? You win. I give up. I surrender. I am waving the white flag here. 6 weeks into the year, and I'm done.

What's scary is that the more people I talk to about my battle with 2009 - the more I hear of similar stories. Others who would like to declare this dreadful year over with already. Is the Ox that scary?

Here's hoping that the next 6 weeks brings better weather, better health, and better finances. To all of us.

Bah Humbug

2008-12-06T10:27:00.000-08:00

I'm having a very hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year. It seems, as every year passes, that it gets harder and harder.

And honestly, it shouldn't be this hard. Christmas music is pumped at us in stores and on the radio via 24/7 stations. Merchants have trees, ornaments and other decorations out for sale -- in fact, these sales have been going on since before Halloween! It seems the "season" is getting longer and longer (or is the correct term 'earlier and earlier'?)

Another reason it shouldn't be so hard is my son. He's 8 years old, and very much believes in the Man in the Big Red Suit. This should be a time of wonder and joy for me, experiencing it all for the second time around through his eyes.

But... WHY is it so hard?

Is it just the fact that I'm getting older, wiser, and more cynical? More jaded against the commercialism that is shoved at us?

Honestly, I think the reason could be my son. Not him personally, but the autism. Now, I know it's a scapegoat. Blame the A word. It's the easy out. But I don't think that way. Really I don't. There is a big difference between using the autism as a reason to escape every responsibility in life, and tweaking situations just a little so there's still the experience, but better managed in a way that my son can still participate.

(That's probably a another post for another time... so I'll just stick with the holiday theme here.)

(Either that, or I'm using the autism excuse because this is supposed to be a blog about parenting a child with autism, which I haven't blogged about much at all... so I better start now and this is a good way to fit it in? Nah.....)

Where was I? Ah yes.. bah humbug. My son's behavior has been on a downward spiral since Thanksgiving.

First off, there was the 5 day break from school over the Tgiving holiday. Breaks from school are NEVER a good thing for a child who depends so heavily on routine. Then, once he does return to school, the established routine is upset again - this time by decorations. All the fall decorations are gone and new winter/holiday decorations are up. And any change is not necessarily good.

But... one of the special education rooms has - I kid you not - a bulletin board of a tree, with actual blinking lights on it.

What. were. they. thinking?

Blinking lights?

His own special ed room has christmas lights snaking all over the ceiling. I've not seen them blink.... yet.

My child OBSESSES over lights. Cannot concentrate when there's one burned out, or humming, or otherwise doing something it's not supposed to do.

The lights have been up for a few weeks now and he's adjusted. So we finally decided to go ahead and put the tree up at home. After a few days of obsessing over the tree and the lights that are on that, we're finally back to "normal" routine.

It's just... hard.

Hard because the things that excite all the other kids, excite my kid too. But, it excites him to a level that pushes him over the edge. Making it hard for him to cope and move on - things that other kids can do without even thinking about it.

The overstimulation of this time of year is REALLY huge. I think most of us don't even realize that because we don't have to conciously try. Sure, we're stressed. But when we walk into a store (or the school, or at home) and see all the decorations and lights, etc... we just either tune it out or move on. We don't get 'stuck' like my son will, unable to pry himself away from the blinking lights on a display at the store.

Even though it's hard... he's still my son. And I love him with all my heart. More than I can describe. So, I'll keep on keeping on, doing what I know best... patiently biding my time, standing next to my son in the holiday section at Walmart, staring at the blinking lights! :)

The power of advertising

2008-11-30T11:03:00.001-08:00

As I was making breakfast this morning, my son runs in from the living room, where the tv was on, and says to me:

"Did you know that you can spend less at Walmart, so you can buy more? Save money, live better. Walmart!!"

Then, he runs back to the tv.

Yes, thank you. I feel much better now that I know Walmart is definitely looking out for my best interest...

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T19:03:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday and took a little time to appreciate the things we are thankful for. And if you don't celebrate the turkey holiday... well then, hope your Thursday was ok!

I found this on a friend's blog and it just struck me as interesting.

What part of Thanksgiving are you?

Take the test and see:

http://www.blogthings.com/whatpartofthanksgivingareyouquiz/

I am.... the stuffing!

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.
People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

Hmmmm. Not sure I get it, but it's ok.

I think I'm skipping the Black Friday shopping this year.... just not in the mood.

The British Are Coming

2008-11-19T18:52:00.000-08:00

No... actually, the British are HERE. You probably just don't know it.

Then again, maybe you do.

The British invasion may have started back in 1964 with the Beatles. But they have been "invading" ever since then, and still do - through your television.

You see, there are a ton (and I mean a TON!) of televisions shows currently airing on the 3 major networks that have been (to put it mildly) ripped off from the good ol' BBC. Some of them you may be aware of. Some of them probably not. But, I think it's safe to say that you should turn towards the east and bow to the Queen and thank her for quality programming.

Let's discuss a few current shows with origins in the UK:

(Not saying that I'm fond of them, or even watch them. But they are being aired.)

Hell's Kitchen - Foul-mouthed Gordon Ramsey is obviously not from the South. The show originated in Britain, and then brought stateside.

The Office - funny, funny show. But do you know what's funnier? The original British version. Try it sometime. I give props to Steve Carrell. But Ricky Gervais is better.

American Idol - Of course you knew this. This show started (and continues as) Pop Idol in the UK.

Dancing With the Stars - airs in the UK as Strictly Come Dancing. And the kicker of it is, 2 of the judges, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli, judge the shows both here in the US and in the UK. And yes, the shows air concurrently, so they are traveling quite a bit.

And here are a list of shows that are not my favorites at all.... but deserve mention: The Eleventh Hour, Supernanny, Weakest Link, Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, Wife Swap, Trading Spouses, Trading Spaces, What Not to Wear, etc. Heck, half the stuff on TLC is a british rip-off, really.

And, while not currently airing or in production, another show worthy of mention is Whose Line is it Anyway? - Specifically the British version with Clive Anderson. Then again, it really doesn't matter because most of the comedians/improv artists on this show were on both the UK and US versions. This show ROCKS. I love it. I don't care if I've seen the show in repeats 20 times, I'll watch it again anyway. Soooo funny.

What you may not know is that this "borrowing" of ideas is nothing new. It's been going on for years, with many well known titles like Three's Company, All in the Family, Too Close for Comfort, Welcome Back Kotter, and Sanford and Son, etc.

What I want to know is...

Why?

Why do our big 3 networks feel the need to remake all of these programs? Why not air the originals? After all, they were "good enough" or successful enough in the UK to warrant bringing the idea to the US. Then, why can't you just bring the whole damn show? Why do we have to Americanize it? And in the "americanization" process.. the show usually loses some of that something that made it originally successful. Some of the remakes have been downright dreadful.

What's funny is that I've seen recent commercials on BBC America that address this "problem" at it's heart. BBC America... the birthplace of American television.

Ouch.

Currently, ABC is doing a version of Life on Mars, which was originally produced by the BBC with actor John Simm. Honestly, if you haven't seen the original, please make time to do so. For the love of Pete, please.

But I do have a message to the big 3 (and I don't mean the auto makers...)

I hear you have plans to Americanize Top Gear. Just... don't. Don't go there.

And don't go there with Primeval either.

And whatever you do....

Hands off of Doctor Who.

Wednesday Rewind

2008-11-18T05:38:00.000-08:00

Did ya miss the rewinds? Huh? Did ya? I did!

Ok... lets share in one of my true loves...

Sesame Street.

Because let's face it, if you're from my generation, SS was a BIG part of your life. And if you care to admit it, you still love the show.

I was going to pick something more mainstream, but ran across this video. I chuckled for a good 5 minutes and ran around going yip yip yip yip for awhile. Got my son involved too!

Enjoy!

Part update / part book review

2008-11-16T09:24:00.001-08:00

Did ya miss me?!

Oh, who am I kidding. I don't think anyone reads this thing anyway! LOL

Anyway, I think my life has calmed down enough for me to add another "commitment" of sorts, and get back to blogging. It's amazing to me when just one aspect of your life goes through change, how much it sends *everything* out of whack.

To give you the Reader's Digest version:

Old job closed down.
A few of the old employees were retained to carry on for a new company.
I was not asked to stay.
I found another job.
While serving out my remaining time for old company, a co-worker (who was hired to stay for new company), who probably has a mental problem (not kidding) and went all ape sh*t on me.
I decided to leave early.
Started new job.
New job ROCKS beyond belief.
After being at new job for one month, I'm asking myself why I didn't leave old job sooner.
(And from what I hear from remaining employees - mental problem is still a problem.)

Really. No kidding. New job is awesome. I love it. I was concerned at the start because it was definitely a change in job responsibility compared to the previous job. But... no problem!

Which brings me to the book review part of my post...

I'm in a book club who meets every other month. We've been going for about 7 (?) years now. And because of this book club, I've read many, many books that I would have never picked up otherwise. Most books have been great. A few became instant classics (to me, anyway). And some.. well, some I didn't like. But that's to be expected. You're not going to love every single book you read, anyway.

The last book club selection was Life's Golden Ticket by Brendon Burchard. From the official website:

An enchanted amusement park is the magical setting for personal transformation in this inspirational parable in the tradition of The Alchemist and The Five People that You Meet in Heaven.

(taken from http://www.lifesgoldenticket.com/)

Let me first say that I loathe inspirational/self-help/motivational novels. Really. Don't care to read them AT ALL. In book club, we previously read The Alchemist and The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Hated The Alchemist. Was ok with Five People... But other book club picks like Conversations with God I couldn't even finish. So, when this book was picked I immediately groaned and thought "no way". Not really the best attitude to go into a book with.

To be honest, the book, from a motivational standpoint, was kind of preachy, and epitomizes exactly why I don't like motivational books. But from a fiction standpoint - this book was pretty good.

But the MAIN reason I mention all this in the first place, is that one of the "rules for admission" in getting into the amusement park in the book is... "I agree to give up my belief that change equals pain."

I just thought how timely that is. That is me, in a nutshell. Change = pain. The last 2 times I've had to switch jobs, I've fought them both tooth and claw. And they both ended up being what was best for me at the time. But I fought nevertheless. Wasted time and effort on my part.

Hopefully since I've done it TWICE, I will remember the lesson I've learned and not fight so hard in the future. Think that's possible?

Anyway - if you have some time, give the book a shot. Most everyone in my book club liked the book and thought it worthwhile.

Hiatus

2008-09-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

Just dropping a note to say that I’m taking a small hiatus from blogging. I know, it seems like I just got started blogging again!! But, my life seems to be in a blender on frappe. What is frappe anyway??

So, once I finish out my old job and start my new job, get my out-of-control son back under control, get my house and laundry back in some sort of order… you know, just generally get my $#!+ together again, I will blog more. Promise.

Until then, stay tuned.

Thanks.

Wednesday Rewind (a day late): Game Shows

2008-09-18T19:02:00.001-07:00

"COME ON DOWN!!!"

I apologize for sticking with the t.v. theme from last week. But I had a discussion with a friend of mine about game shows, and had a great trip down memory lane. No, we didn't talk about Deal or No Deal, or even Who Wants to be a Millionaire? No, today's game shows have nothing on the "classics". So many great shows. And these shows have given us a plethora (don't use that word everyday, now, do we?) of phrases to quote. Like the one above.

Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Jeopardy - It's been on for years. And how old is Alex Trebec anyway?? He never seems to age at all! But, honestly, it's a hoot to watch. It's always stuffy contestants in suits who know the most arcane things ever. I love trying to answer... or "come up with the question" I guess is a better phrase. But I love to see how many I can get right. Or, equally entertaining, I love watching a contestant answer incorrectly to a very easy question! Ha! We love laughing at the expense of others! The best entertainment of them all! Memorable Quote: "what is...?" or "who is...?"

The Match Game - holy smokes. This game show rocked. I really don't know where they found the contestants on this game show. It's like they purposely went out to find the stupidest schmucks they could. And since it was on in the '70s, it's a plethora of bad fashion examples, and even worse hairdo's. And the questions!! Ahhh... the questions. "Dumb Dora was so dumb...." and "John was popular with the girls because he had a big BLANK". (fill in the blank) I love the (blank). It's so... (blank). Memorable Quote: "How dumb was she?" (in response to the Dumb Dora line earlier).

The Price Is Right - the granddaddy of them ALL! The longest running game show ever.. right? I do miss Bob Barker, though. Drew Carey does ok.. but he's just not Bob. All hail Bob Barker. Anyway... I soooooooo want to play Plinko. And the game with the yodelling guy who climbs the mountain! (Wiki tells me it's called Cliff Hangers.) And I always wanted a big pair of dice to roll like they had on the show as well. Let's face it, everyone wants to be a contestant on this show. And for the announcer to yell a brand new car! when it was your time to play for a prize. Memorable Quote: "Actual Retail price..." "Come on down! You're the next contestant....!" and I can't type it out, but remember the music they would run when a contestant lost their game? "Bum bum ba ba bum. Waaahhhhhh". I know you can hear it in your head.....

Press Your Luck - "Big Money! No Whammies!" Ok.. that's all I have to say about that show. Big 80's hair and bad animation with the whammy-dude. But we still quote the phrase...

Password - no, not the version they have on now with Regis. The classic password. Well, my classic password anyway with Bert Convy. Whatever happened to him anyway? (Yikes, wiki tells me he's dead. Sorry, Bert.). It was so great to see what kinds of clues contestants, and most importantly, the celebrity contestants, would come up with. One of my all time favorite shows. Memorable Quote: (whisper) "The password is...." (and my DH and I have a funny inside joke on this one... hee hee)

Family Feud - ok. Hands down, my favorite. Richard Dawson kissing all the girls. The "strikes" during the game and that "buzzzzzz" when one of the families made a wrong guess. What a great show. Memorable Quote: "Survey says....!" and "Ready for action!"

Ok.. I'm sure I've left several off this list. I can think of one or two already. But game shows were great, weren't they? Ahhh... memories.

Setting an example

2008-09-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I read a letter to Dear Abby by a mother in Texas who is a stay at home mom to her three daughters. She was concerned she was setting a bad example for them, by staying home and not having a "career". You can read the whole article here http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20080913 (sorry, I don't know how to do that funky HTML stuff!)

Abby gives some good advice, but doesn't really address the "example" and whether it's good or bad.

While I'm not a traditional SAHM, I have altered my "career" path to accomodate my son. Barely being able to make it through a normal school day, putting him in after school care is completely out of the question. And that is why I work part time - to be home in the mornings before and after school with him.

We could play "what if" about this for a long time... have I compromised my "career" for my son? Where would I be career-wise if I had refused to work part time and just worked full time? I have passed up a few job opportunities in the past to be able to do this....

Have I regretted it?

No.

Am I bitter about it?

No.

Do I feel I am setting a bad example for him?

How? How can being a responsible adult be a bad example??

Sure, I could totally ignore his needs and focus on my own. But shoving him into an after school program ill equipped to handle him is a complete disservice to him. And not fair to the people working the after school program who know nothing about autism in most cases.

Then again, I have my trusty ol' "autism glasses" on here. There are tons of examples out there about how parents of children with autism have done just what I'm describing here - altered their careers to be able to accomodate their children.

But enough of MY situation, because my situation is special.

Back to Texas Mom - The letter writer never says how old the children are, but from context we can assume they are all under 9 years of age. We don't know if they are all in school full time, or if there are preschoolers still in the picture.

At the risk of getting into the sexism and feminism that is currently surrounding the whole political mess lately -- is it wrong for this woman to stay at home with her children? Is she somehow less of a woman if being a mother and wife is all she has ever aspired to? Is she cheating herself?

While I do think self-esteem is coming into play here for this Texas Mom, setting a bad example is the least of her worries. At least in my opinion...

I would love to hear your opinions, though!

Wednesday Rewind: Classic Television

2008-09-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

When I was little, whenever I got sick enough to stay home from school, I watched classic tv shows. Of course, at that time PBS only ran Sesame Street and the Electric Company at lunch time - there wasn't 24/7 kiddie tv! You had to watch what was on. But that was ok, because some of the best tv was on in syndication. I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, I Dream of Jeannie, etc. Everytime I hear the whistled theme song of The Andy Griffith Show, I feel the overwhelming need to lay down on the couch and cover up with a blanket.

Some of the recent times my son has been sick, I've turned the tv to some classic television. Unfortunately, he doesn't appreciate the shows as much as I did, or still do.

However, he DID watch this episode of I Love Lucy. What a great show this was overall, but this particular episode is my all time favorite. Vitameatavegamin. Both of us just laughed and laughed....

I know this clip is long.. but it's so worth it. And it really showcases what a great actress Lucille Ball was. She's just perfect.

Remember... "it's so tasty, too!"

Knitting - good for the soul

2008-09-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of knitting a baby blanket for a cousin of mine. The baby shower was today, and of course, I didn't get the blanket done in time. I'm about halfway, maybe a little more than halfway done. I really like it and think it's a nice pattern, but it's just taking a lot longer to knit up than I originally thought. Oh well, great art takes time!!

There is something about knitting... I can't quite place my finger on it. Maybe it's the rhythm of the needles, the repetitive movement of the hands and needles, the feel of the yarn.... I'm not quite sure, but it's mesmorizing. I have the best "thinking sessions" ever when I'm working on a project. The hands just seem to do what they need to do, and your mind is left to wander.

Where it wanders TO is always the question. You can find yourself thinking for hours about nothing in particular. Or trivial things, too. Like - SpongeBob. You never see any other sponges on that show. SpongeBob doesn't have any other sponge friends. He's left with a starfish and a squid. Doesn't he long for others of his kind? Am I the only one who wonders about such things?

But I digress.

Anyway, I hadn't knitted a baby blanket for awhile. I knit one a few years ago for a friend who was pregnant. But this is the first one in quite some time. Obviously, one of the topics my mind wandered to while knitting this blanket was the new baby that will (hopefully) we swaddled within it. I know it will be a boy. And, like his mother and father I'm sure, I thought about what he might be like when as he grows up. What his likes and dislikes might be. What kind of personality he will have. Will he have his mother's eyes? His father's mouth?

Unfortunately, with my life's experiences, I thought alot about his health. I tend to view most everything with the "autism glasses" that a parent of an autistic child wears. It's inevitable.

Autism affects 1 out of every 166 kids. Will it affect this child? What about the next one?

As I knitted this blanket, not only did I think about the baby boy who might be swaddled within it, but I prayed for him and his parents. For health. For strength. For all babies coming into this world.

Wednesday Rewind

2008-09-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'd like to do a "flashback" every Wednesday to something I remember from childhood. Old shows and cartoons, toys, commercials, etc.

Anyway, my son REALLY likes infomercials. I mean... REALLY. Billy Mays is his best friend. Every commercial he sees... "we need that!" Mighty Putty, Pasta N More, Orange Glo, the helicopter thingie (though that does look kinda cool).

So, I was about to compose this big speech to him about "back in MY day, we didn't have infomercials, blah blah blah..." and I remembered *this* one...

Holy cow! I loved this commercial! "Coincidence?... I think not."

Up To Date!

2008-09-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

ok, now we're up to date!

What's going on in my life? Well... you'll be sorry you asked.

School started on August 18th. Third grade for my son. This was the first year - the first! - that I actually was NOT looking forward to school. I didn't want the summer to end! I was having so much fun with my son. He hadn't drove me crazy yet! Which is quite the accomplishment, actually. Every other year he's driven me batty by the time school started. So, this summer went *really well*.

Anyway, he's excited about going back, excited about having a man for a reg ed teacher this year... all is going well.

Day 3 of school - we're home sick! Aahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

He's got the flu. Who gets the flu in August?!?! Really?!?! So, he's out the rest of the week with fever and snot everywhere. (sorry)

Ok! Another Monday! Now we're back on track and back to school! It's day 6 of the school year, and we've only been there 2 days. It's ok. No problem...

He attends all week, but with the lingering effects of a cold, he's not really 100%. It's only the 2nd week of school, so he can't be missing too much... right??

Now, it's Labor Day weekend. We're pretty much over our sickness (except for a lingering cold), and it's the last "official" weekend of summer - let's go out and enjoy it, right?

WRONG! Let's stay home cooped up all weekend with the STOMACH FLU!

Kill me now....

I don't believe this. Honestly. I don't. This kid gets sick more often any ANYONE I know. Unbelievable.

It's Labor Day and school starts back up again tomorrow. I "think" he's ok to go back. No more "stomach issues" (ahem) as far as I can tell. He still has some snot issues, but that we can deal with that.

I'm ready for "normal". Please, please... PLEASE bring me some normal!!!

Autism in the media

2008-09-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

[moved from an old blog]

There has been so much negative press about autism lately. Here are a few links in case you've missed them:

Michael Savage, a radio host with a nationally syndicated program, using his platform to tell America that autism is a "fraud, a racket" and every child with the disorder is a "brat". http://mediamatters.org/items/200807170005 The whole situation just makes me sick. Obviously he doesn't even know the first thing about autism to go and say the things that he did. It's just stupid.

Then, a police chief, a man in a position of power, a person that we even teach our children to look up to and to trust, asks a woman to remove her autistic daughter from a restaurant because she's crying. http://www.nbcaugusta.com/news/local/25523719.html Wow, shouldn't that have been up to the restaurant owner, instead? The police chief was just a customer in the restaurant at the time. Again, a misinformed, uneducated individual thinking they know what is best. Another person who doesn't understand the disorder. A person who could have helped out in this situation, but chose to do the opposite instead.

And lastly, Kindergarten teacher Wendy Portillo, standing up little Alex Barton in front of his classmates so they could vote him out of class. http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/jun/06/parents-kindergartner-voted-out-class-intend-sue/ A sick version of the TV show Survivor. Shame on her. Shame on her especially since she's a teacher! Another person in a position of power, a person who we tell our children to trust! And again, especially shame on her, since in her building, she would have had special education teachers and therapists to help her out.

Basically, what this boils down to is a lot of people who are uneducated about the disability. And you know what? With 1 out of every 150 children having some form of autism, everyone needs to get educated about it, and fast. Especially people in positions of power! Whether they are regular education teachers, police officers, and lowly (in my opinion) radio hosts. Especially that part about the regular education teachers. I often wonder if these teachers think "oh, that's something that I'm just going to let the special ed department handle… after all, that's what they're there for." Hmmm.

I was thinking this morning – why aren't there any positive stories about autism? Where is the "good press" on this? There are plenty of parents who have made noise about the above stories: several groups protested outside of radio stations that broadcast Savage's show. But other than the occasional protest or comment on the above stories, there really isn't much. And I'll tell you why.

Parents of kids with autism – we're busy. More busy than you'll ever know. Busy doing what, you ask? Busy parenting our autistic children. And unless you know, unless you have a child with autism yourself, you'll never understand what that sentence truly means. Michael Savage seems to think that parents of autistic children are the worst parents in the world. The old "refrigerator mothers" from back in the 1940s, when the belief was that bad parenting caused children to have autism.

Well, in addition to being a mother of an 8 year old child with autism, I know a number of parents of children with the disorder. And I can tell you – we are an elite group. We're some of the best parents in the world, Mr. Savage. Because I can tell you first hand, no other parents out there are as dedicated, as hopeful, as committed to parenting and to our children, than parents of children with autism.

All autistic kids are brats, huh? Yes, my child can be bratty. Any child can be bratty. But to ignore the disability and blame it's cause on the fact that he's a brat? That's like telling a child with epilepsy to stop having those stupid seizures. Like telling a child with an amputated arm to stretch, you idiot, you can reach. Like telling a person in a wheelchair to just try a little harder, and they'll be able to walk.

Yes, if only my son would just *apply himself*, he could obviously overcome his autism and be more "normal".

Yes, lets all just wave our magic wands, Mr. Savage, since you think it's that easy.

Weather Tunes

2008-09-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

[moved from an old blog]

I’m a closet Weather Channel watcher. No one really admits to watching the Weather Channel. Sure, we all tune in when we want the "Local On the 8’s" to know what to wear in the morning. But do you really watch? Well, I do. I find it fascinating – the southern drought, which poor bastards are getting snow and how much, and exactly how hot is it in Taiwan?

But what really fascinates me is the music. Where do they get the music?? Are there Weather Channel musicians on staff? Do they sit around after recording and say "Boy, I hope this gets some air time on the LOT8’s!"? I often wonder about the bands that have music playing on the Weather Channel. And, more importantly, I wonder where they get the inspiration to write the songs.

Personally, I have my favorite songs. I think we all do. Currently, my favorite is "Jazzy Flute". Who knows if that’s the correct title or not. But it’s a catchy little number. There’s also "Jazzy Piano" and "Jazzy Synthesizer". Again, not knowing the correct titles, I’m not sure what else to call them. Frankly, I think that would make good use of those scroll bars down at the bottom of the screen. I really don’t care what special is going on at Clark’s Appliance. And I already have Comcast Digital Cable, thank you. Why don’t you tell me "This is Bob Smooth and his Smoothettes playing ’Jazzy Flute’. Buy this album at Amazon. com".

Also, haven’t we all turned on LOT8’s or the Weatherscan channel (local feed) and said to ourselves, "ugh, not this song again!" and hit mute?? Admit it.

Song choices are bizarre. I’m not at all into smooth jazz, so I’m not sure what makes a jazz song "Weather Channel worthy" or not. But, I do know that when they used Pink Floyd’s ’Run Like Hell,’ I was appalled. Was this someone’s bad joke? "Run Like Hell" away from the oncoming tornado? Egads.

Anyway, my curiosity got the best of me. I went to Weather.com, internet site for The Weather Channel. They actually have a music page! They’ve even released a CD in the past! "The Weather Channel Presents: Best of Smooth Jazz". No kidding! Unfortunately, the Weather Channel music page has not been updated since Dec 2006. I was looking forward to finally knowing who recorded my Jazzy Flute song. Oh well…

New Cookie!

2008-09-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

[moved from an old blog]

So, last week was my son's annual IEP meeting. For those of you not in the "special ed" world, this is the annual meeting the parents have with teachers, administrators and therapists concerning your child's education. You set goals and services for the next school year. I get WAY stressed before these meetings. Anyway, the meeting went well, and I thought I would make the special ed department at my son's school some cookies to show them how appreciative I was.

So, I baked some chocolate chip cookies the day after the meeting, and drove off all the would-be cookie theives in my household with a sternly worded note on the plate - DO NOT EAT! FOR THE TEACHERS! Don't worry, I made them their own plate...

And what happens? We get 2 snow days in a row!! No school! And then we had the weekend on top of it. Those cookies weren't going to be any good by Monday!! Needless to say those cookies did not go to waste. (waist?) As a family, we all scarfed down the cookies, with promises to make a new batch for the teachers.

Fast forward to tonight - I'm out of chocolate chips. No problem, we'll make another flavor. I haven't made Snickerdoodles in a long time, and those sound good.

I don't have any shortening. All I have is butter. For those of you who aren't "cookie savvy" out there... cookies made with butter taste REALLY good, but they don't "puff" up very well and tend to be flat. Cookies made with shortening hold together better and puff nicely, but don't taste as good as cookies made with butter (imo, of course). So, having only butter, I knew these snickerdoodles would be a little flat, but I figured, no problem.

A little flat?!? Who was I kidding?!? You could READ through these cookies! They are anomalies of nature!

But here's the kicker! I was in a hurry, so I took them off the baking sheets before they had completely cooled, so they "melted" on the cooling rack. So now I have paper thin cookies that droop along the rack. They look like something Salvador Dali would have baked!

Hey wait... a new cookie! Hello Dali's! LOL