Setting an example

Yesterday, I read a letter to Dear Abby by a mother in Texas who is a stay at home mom to her three daughters. She was concerned she was setting a bad example for them, by staying home and not having a "career". You can read the whole article here http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20080913 (sorry, I don't know how to do that funky HTML stuff!)

Abby gives some good advice, but doesn't really address the "example" and whether it's good or bad.

While I'm not a traditional SAHM, I have altered my "career" path to accomodate my son. Barely being able to make it through a normal school day, putting him in after school care is completely out of the question. And that is why I work part time - to be home in the mornings before and after school with him.

We could play "what if" about this for a long time... have I compromised my "career" for my son? Where would I be career-wise if I had refused to work part time and just worked full time? I have passed up a few job opportunities in the past to be able to do this....

Have I regretted it?

No.

Am I bitter about it?

No.

Do I feel I am setting a bad example for him?

How? How can being a responsible adult be a bad example??

Sure, I could totally ignore his needs and focus on my own. But shoving him into an after school program ill equipped to handle him is a complete disservice to him. And not fair to the people working the after school program who know nothing about autism in most cases.

Then again, I have my trusty ol' "autism glasses" on here. There are tons of examples out there about how parents of children with autism have done just what I'm describing here - altered their careers to be able to accomodate their children.

But enough of MY situation, because my situation is special.

Back to Texas Mom - The letter writer never says how old the children are, but from context we can assume they are all under 9 years of age. We don't know if they are all in school full time, or if there are preschoolers still in the picture.

At the risk of getting into the sexism and feminism that is currently surrounding the whole political mess lately -- is it wrong for this woman to stay at home with her children? Is she somehow less of a woman if being a mother and wife is all she has ever aspired to? Is she cheating herself?

While I do think self-esteem is coming into play here for this Texas Mom, setting a bad example is the least of her worries. At least in my opinion...

I would love to hear your opinions, though!